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Episode Title: "Squilliam Returns"

Episode Airing Number: 45

Episode Production Number: 48

Original Airdate: March 15, 2002

Season: 3

On DVD: "SpongeBob SquarePants: The Complete Third Season," "SpongeBob Goes Prehistoric"

On VHS: (none)

Aired With Episode: "No Weenies Allowed"

Running Time: 11:29

Storyboard Directors: Jay Lender and Sam Henderson

Storyboard Artists: Heather Martinez and Mike Roth

Writers: Sam Henderson, Jay Lender, and Kent Osborne

Animation Director: Sean Dempsey

Creative Director: Derek Drymon

In Brief: Squidward tries to impress his high-school rival, Squilliam Fancyson, by turning the Krusty Krab into a five-star restaurant.

Story: While outside the Krusty Krab during his lunch break, Squidward runs into Squilliam Fancyson. Squilliam says lately he's been successful in everything Squidward has failed in, and he asks what Squid's been doing. Squidward tries to sound good by lying that he owns a five-star restaurant. It turns out being a bad thing, as Squilliam and his friends are coming to dine there that night.

Squidward gets to run the Krusty Krab after begging Mr. Krabs to let him so he can impress Squilliam. He assigns Patrick to be a hat-taker, Mr. Krabs to be a chef, and SpongeBob to be a waiter. With twenty minutes until Squilliam and his group comes, Squidward thinks all will go well. That is, until Patrick starts beating up the hat rack, Mr. Krabs can't cook well, and SpongeBob thinks he can't be a waiter. Squidward gets SpongeBob to relax and tells him to empty everything from his mind but anything to do with fine dining and breathing. After SpongeBob does that, he can't do anything at all, so Squidward runs to tell Squilliam he needs more time. It's too late, as everyone is outside the door.

Squilliam walks into the restaurant and is very impressed. The restaurant is very fancy looking. With Patrick and Mr. Krabs out of the way (SpongeBob tied them up in the kitchen), SpongeBob gives everyone a table and pampers Squilliam. Squidward is very happy and impressed and makes Squilliam tell the crowd that he has the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom. After that, Squilliam asks SpongeBob for his name, but because he only knows what fine dining and breathing are, he can't give his name.

SpongeBob goes insane and causes havoc in the Krusty Krab, which eventually makes everyone run from the restaurant. Squidward admits to Squilliam that he doesn't own the restaurant, but is a cashier. Squilliam makes fun of him and all of his friends go off to ride in his balloon/casino, leaving Squidward to feel down.

Song: (none)


Squidward: *thinking to himself about Squillaim* Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. *imagines him in boxers and what he thinks is a good body* Oh no, he's hot!

Squidward: When they get here tonight, they're gonna see I'm just a big phony and a loser.

Mr. Krabs: *with sarcasm* Oh, boo-hoo. Let me play a sad song for ya on the world's smallest violin. *plays music with claws*

Squidward: This is serious.

Mr. Krabs: I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See?

Squidward: *sees Patrick just appeared, standing like a soldier next to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs* Patrick! What're you doing here?

Patrick: *in a soldier-like tone* I thought the corps would help me straighten out my life, sir!

Squidward: The corps? What the...Pat, this isn't the...oh...

Sponge: Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?

Sponge #2: You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.

Sponge: One more crack like that and you're outta here!

Sponge #2: No, please! I have three kids!

Squidward: Pinch me, I must be dreaming. OW!

SpongeBob: *holding his fingers in a pinch position* If you need anything else, just call.


Different in Appearance The fish known as Fred appears in this episode with a white shirt above his pants. When he appears in other episodes, he usually doesn't wear a shirt.

One Fish, Two Fish, Five Fish, Twelve Fish After Squilliam mentions he'll come to Squidward's "restaurant" that night, when he says "In fact, we'll all come! My treat!", there are seven more people seen than before.

Popular-Person-Liker One of the fish that is going to be at the Krusty Krab that night sometimes appears as one of Pearl's friends (the grey one with the pointed head and red skirt). Also, she has the same kind of feet Squidward and Squilliam do.

World's Smallest Violin In reality, the World's smallest (playable) violin known is 1 and 5/8 inch (1 5/8"). Copy and paste this into your address bar to learn more:

No Reference? There may not be any reference to Squilliam and Band Geeks in this episode, depending how you think of it. You may consider Mr. Krabs's line "That guy who made millions doing what you wish you could do?" as a reference, meaning Squilliam had a popular band, unlike Squidward, who wanted one.

SpongeBob's Freckles When SpongeBob says "Empty my mind?", he has three red freckles on his right cheek area. The second time he says that, they disappear.

Ways the Sponges in SpongeBob's Brain Eliminate Papers Containing What he Knows:

-Shredding them

-Throwing them away

-Shoveling them into a fire

-Flushing them down a toilet

Things SpongeBob Forgets:

-Childhood Memories

-Spice Garden Tips



-His name

The Card Squilliam Reads The card Squidward makes Squilliam read out loud for everyone to hear says "Squidward Tentacles has the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom. And he does not suck eggs."

Similar Element Like "Band Geeks" (the episode Squilliam also appears in), this episode has Squidward thinking what he wishes to do is impossible, but he ends up being wrong (though that eventually changes in this episode).